lonely crowded mind, captain!

not all girls like diamonds, you know.
some girls like black metal, tattoos, and kink.
some like spunk and a lack of routine.
these girls wouldn't be caught dead at a beach reception,
how original!
with a huge guest list and a huge crack rock ring on their finger.
with four or nine kids and soccer practice,
driving a minivan,
washed-up, burnt out, useless homemaker.
life's worth much more than marriage. kids.
precious carbon copies of mom created solely for her pleasure.
no, nobody thinks she's great. it's just you.
mushy sack of bones and baby formula
scrapbook about baby's first visit to walmart! fucking cute.
awh, Bill - he looks just like a doctor! a lawyer! come on let's all live vicariously.
it's fun to be morbidly obese and win child pageants at the same time.
what a bundle of joy! what a heap! with your face on it no less!
count 'em up. "octomom."
john and kate minus a uterus.
jeez, I can't find my knees!
yummy.

I am the enormous man who eats & eats.
I am the boy who pushed himself down the stairs.
I am the girl who compromised her beliefs.
I am so funny I laugh at my own jokes.
I am my own best friend.
I am the young man who can’t say no.

I am your melted ice.
I am the one-woman show.
I am as powerful as Medusa.
I am the mortician & you look beautiful.
I am the cat with five lives left.
I am a deflated scarecrow.

It is the Fifth of November.
Consume: Bonfire toffee & parkin,
fireworks shot into the
midnight sky,
and we hear:
“A desperate disease requires
a dangerous remedy”
in the quiet, quiet, quiet.
I am Guy Fawkes! Let the canons fly.

I tried to tell them

I'm going through so much

It's like they're just brushing me off

You play it tough and that's never enough

Guess they don't understand what they don't know

God, please free my soul

I'm under everyone else's control but my own

my skin is as hard as a rock and a stone

Crying is not a sign of victory 

crying is my way to show my dignity

I'm just letting you know before you go

No one knows what they don't know 

she is contained and caged
by her elusive self
she does not like that about herself at all,
but she wants you
and you want her too

she is deeply attracted
or attractive,
she has a childlike quality
and eyes that betray a fantasy
not a word about her body
because she wants you
and you want her too

you kiss her lips and taste her
complexity
you feel more than physical
attraction,
but she is contained
and caged,
by her elusive self
but who cares because
she wants you,
she wants you,
and you want her too

A formal affair, you know – black ties and dirty goose on the rocks.
Stirred not shaken, beckons the lady in pearls
Executive in Burberry black checks the rolex, smiling -
“The deal is made, better call a cab, time to get laid” 

I don’t want to be a stupid girl, who needs someone to want me. So rather than let myself believe it is true, I make up lies so that other won’t see. It’s funny how I do it, just a slip of a word here of there, I make myself seem strong but my heart is stripped bear. I’ve never told myself I am ready, and perhaps I will never be. I cannot help but block all emotions or affection toward me. I think I am so pathetic; my heart is always up and down. I just cannot let the emotions of the heart pull my mind around. So in order to refrain and justify it to myself, I pretend that emotions don’t affect me I burry them deep within my stealth. I want to know why I do these things, and how they could be stopped, I want to save myself from my own heartbreak before all love is dropped. I cannot control my heart and I think that this scares me; I push away the people I care about too much to see. I don’t know why I do this; it is just something that I do. I push away the people that I never wanted too. But how do I control my heart and tell myself that I am ok, when in fact all I want to do is hide from the world everyday. I want to know why I lie and tell myself it will never come, that I don’t need it and those who have it are ridiculously dumb. I want to know why when it is right in front of me I make up excuses so nobody can see, I am so frightened of the very thing I want so badly for me. Can it be that I cause myself to experience pain so that I can keep everybody out; I keep searching for the answers that make my heart scream and shout. My heart wants to be released and allowed to be free, but I cannot release my heart in fear of what it will do to me. I want to know why I never allow myself to think good of me, I want to know why I allow myself to be bullied by the person in the mirror I deny I see. I want to know, I want to know why do I push emotions away, I want to know if I will ever allow my emotions to go their separate way. But right now all I want to know is why I do the things that I do, why do I lie about my heart and my emotions too.

The empire strikes back

In recent weeks, we've taken huge steps towards blocking spam accounts on LiveJournal. In fact, we've suspended as many as 30,000 accounts in a single day! We've implemented several pre-emptive measures to prevent the creation of spam accounts, and we've honed our detection of suspicious content. Spam bots are a crafty lot, so we'll continue to refine our tactics and keep up the good fight to keep you safe from spam attacks on LiveJournal.

RSS feeds again

If you're addicted to xkcd_rss, icanhaschzbrgr, or other syndicated feeds, we're pleased to report that we've resolved the update error that was mucking up your RSS feeds. While content was being pulled correctly, it wasn't being posted to the feeds themselves. Late last week, we finally nailed down what we hope was the root problem, so content should post properly. We thank you for your patience.

Wii have killer CSI Deadly Intent contests!

c_s_i

If you're a gamer who loves CSI, have Wii got news for you! c_s_i is sponsoring killer contests. Simply post a question to a member of the CSI crew. The winner will get a free copy of CSI: Deadly Intent for Nintendo Wii (with a retail value of $39.99) and get their question answered by a member of the CSI writing team! There's also a fantastic monthly contest. To enter, join c_s_i, play the online version of CSI: Deadly Intent, and respond to a two-part query for a chance to win a Wii! Entries will be judged on composition and originality. Sorry, but you must be a U.S. resident and over 18 years old to participate. Check out the rules here.

Enveloped in postcards

Last week, we asked you to send in postcards to help us decorate our drab concrete walls. Here's a photo of the results so far! Thank you so much and please keep them coming! You can mail them to Frank the Goat, Esq., c/o LiveJournal, Inc., 539 Bryant Street, Suite 210, San Francisco, CA 94107. Be sure to include your username, since we'll be giving ten random users paid account credits.

Photos of the week

If you haven't visited our new LiveJournal photo community, you're in for an amazing visual trip. LiveJournal users from around the world will take you on a scenic journey to everywhere. Post your own pictures or kick back and enjoy at lj_photophile. You can view some of this week's awesome photos after the jump. Please start tagging with geographic location, since we'd like to track all the places around the world represented in this community. Keep on commenting too!
( Read more... )

She misses him more than she thought she would

though she knows she’s only grieving for a morbid caricature of passion

 

For the way that sometimes, with her eyes shut, he felt like you

I have been there,

done that.

I can’t control myself

You’re the last thing I need

but I’m feeling alive for the first time.

I love the way you live.

We are young,

but

you’re what I need.

I have no regrets.

Oh darling,

our time is running out.

I’ll never let anybody put you down,

I won’t let them,

cause I’m bulletproof.

Perhaps there was an addiction
to the dark side
something inside my childhood
must've made my heart die
But, deep down, I was still the person
that would always help you lead on
Way deep down, I was still the person
that would always help you dream on
and even though we became strangers
within our own eyes
there was nothing anyone could do
to sever our sacred ties

I pray the Lord forgives me for my sin
for I fight a great war underneath my skin
Why is it so hard to forgive them for my pain?
Wouldn't He forgive me all the same?
Maybe as time goes on,
I'll learn to let it go
and my fragile heart,
I'll learn to not let it show
I don't know why I speak about these things
I guess it's hard to fly with broken wings

I'm sorry that I never know
if I'm right or wrong
I just speak the truth
as I've tried to do all along
I just wish for peace
from the haunt of my faceless ghost
because that freedom
would matter to me the most
But people appreciate these words
they make them feel less alone
The kind of alone that a small child feels
when no one else is at home

Forgive the deep dive
that I seem to take frequently
I just wish I knew the secret to this mystery
what the relation of the dream is to me
the tranquility of serenity
the answer to my destiny

You and me
Century close friend
You and me
Happy and mad
You and me
Work it or not
You and me
Day and night
You and me
Have been forgotten
A chapter ends in life (yes or no)
Emotion still swimming with sick feelings in the air
Until the circle ends
You and me
Friend and hatred
As time stood still
You and me
Here or not
Wonder in the atmosphere
Surrounding by hope and hopeless
No more regrets and tears
You and me
Save or not
A question is still lingered in frozen time.

Hearing sighs exert from your lungs, belittles my fingers from where they rose and now have dropped

Wishing to become your wants and needs

Feeling your creamy skin melt around my pale mouth leaves me with a hopeless rendering

Our sweaters, so pretentious and arrogant beneath our feet

My soul strewn across your back with admiration captivating my body

I beseech you after you run from my affectionate hands and cold words

I lay here wishing to control time

Fucked up and wasted only to hide from my pain

I’m reminded of the fact that I don’t know how to cry

Remembering how close I was to unlocking your soul and retrieving your love

Now, pathetic and useless I obsess over false fantasies and lose myself in the past

Cowardly my acts are, oh how they mock me, oh how they tease me, oh how piteous

When the night comes we all slip into our places
and silence spills like thick deceit,
honestly, I am the most lonely creature
to ever fill an empty space.
And my tears have become monuments
to the hollow cavern inside the earth
where sparrows bare witness
to the death of nightingales.
What is sacred in the arms of misery?
Is it a kiss on the lips with tenderest promises
to ease an aching rack of bones
spread thin and wide on a rickety mattress?
Or a smile designed to overturn shadows
on the face of the sun,
our oldest and wisest confidant?
I suppose it is loneliness
and the horrible comfort of its permanence
in a heart bound and wired to stubbornness-
the simple fact that some will stand
alone and unwavering
until time ceases to mean more
than the movement of light
and animated birds leaving wooden houses.
I swear, I never meant to be so melancholy
and that I will leave you with sincerity
leaking from your fingertips,
my beloved temporary antidote.
But molded am I
to a life made of sand and ocean tide
and never will I be the way you found me
before when the moon was full and throbbing.
And never will I speak again,
the words that left a blind man speechless
as he clung with his palms to the contours
of something like truth.
Never will we ever be so beautiful
that we forget we are fading slowly and painfully.
Let us sing and make love often
as our patchwork of wounds goes untended
for a short while.

Have I not warranted your love yet?
Am I not laced in every breath that you take?
Do I not haunt you in your dreams?
Am I not your first thought when you wake?

Does my name not linger on your lips
every second of every day?
Am I not the itch you can't reach to scratch,
that never goes away?

Have I not robbed you of all reason?
Have I not seduced your body without even a touch?
Have I not sabotaged your mind?
Have you ever before been aroused so much?

Do I not bewitch your very being?
Do I not hold you in a trance?
Can my eyes not mesmerize you
with one quick flashing glance?

Do I not control all your happiness
with just a single word?
Is not your fantasy of my voice
the most beautiful sound ever heard?

Have I not captured your curiosity?
Do I not drive you half-near mad?
Do I not unlock every passion,
every dream that you ever have had?

Does my mystery not enchant you?
Have I not turned you inside out?
Have I not altered every part of you?
Have I not removed all doubt?

Have I not set your soul ablaze?
Am I not the cure that soothes the burn?
If  I am not these things than set me free-
Since your heart, I have yet to earn.

death

faulty wiring.  we heard the sirens.  we all called him
rod the tiger guy, because he had a traveling show called
rod the reptile guy, and he had a tiger.

the tiger was named kalar.  it took him five years to get
a license to bring her to montana.  she would suck his fingers
like a baby.

there was no more tiger at this time.  he burned up in his kitchen, and his snake
burned up, and some cats burned up.

in 2006 he had an alligator, and it got away; it went into a nearby pond
and people bothered it for six hours, shot arrows, tried to fish for it
before the cops got there (this is the nature of the local cops)

after the paper was read this morning my grandmother
went to hospital for chest pains.  she is all right, but it is strange.
one day you're there.  and then--

AND ROT

Fix'd like a plan on his peculiar spot,
to draw nutrition, propagate...
- Alexander Pope

( It is not a new desire to remake oneself. )

aiyatheydidnt
The Chinese version of ONTD, AIYA is a dynamic international community that welcomes users who share a love of contemporary Chinese pop culture. Dedicated to celebrity gossip and entertainment news, you'll enjoy gorgeous photos and breaking stories featuring the glitterati of mainland China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong.

wendylady2
Designed to rescue fashion victims everywhere, this Brit-based community reads like a rag-ezine. Published once or twice weekly, you'll view bizarre highlights of the global fashion scene through captivating photos and delightfully snarky editorial. Sit tight for a virtual fashion tour from the runways of New York to Milan to Paris and back home again to London in homage to the adage: you can't buy good taste.